Letting Go of Expectations in Relationships

By Lauren Rose Correa, February 27, 2025

In relationships, expectations are something that often bring us to a place of dissatisfaction. Letting go of expectations in relationships can be the key to contentment – and it can help us to appreciate our partners more and celebrate their strengths.

Letting Go of Expectations in Relationships

Here’s an example from my own life. More often than I’d like to admit, I find myself being impatient with my husband and the way he tackles chores around the house.

Some people (including myself) are multi-tasking machines. When I cook, I clean as I go so there’s typically not much left to do afterward besides handwashing a few pans. I steal a moment to throw in a load of laundry while the baby is distracted with her toys. I even write blog posts on my phone while taking care of my child (I’m doing this right now!).

When you are used to operating in a certain way and getting stuff done efficiently, it can be frustrating if your spouse doesn’t share that ability. I find myself wondering why he can’t be more like me!

A Revelation That Changed My Heart

This morning, I had a realization. I was tidying the house for company we are having today and wondering why my husband didn’t clean up his mess from dinner the night before. My husband then walked in the room and declared that he was going to clean the front bathroom for me so that it would be clean for our company.

Immediately I felt bad about my frustration with him. I realized that even though he doesn’t always do exactly what I expect, he does contribute to the chores around the home. Sometimes, my frustration comes from my expectations rather than a lack of help.

Celebrating Each Other’s Strengths

I realized something else too. Not everyone is gifted at multitasking and organization skills. Perhaps my ability to do this is a special gift from the Lord that I should be bringing to the table in our marriage. Instead of wondering why my husband can’t do this the same way as me, I should be reflecting on the gifts he brings to our marriage that I don’t have.

When my husband doesn’t get to things as quickly as I would like or tackle cleaning in the same way, I need to appreciate the fact that we have different strengths and offer more grace and patience to him, as he does for me when he takes on a task that I’m not good at.

Take Time to Evaluate

When you are disappointed that your partner doesn’t do what you expect them to, take some time to evaluate. Is this a fair expectation? Would communication help resolve this issue (maybe you need to let them know you need something from them, such as help with the dishes)? Am I expecting my partner to behave like I would? Do I have a strength in an area that perhaps my partner doesn’t share? What are things my partner brings to the relationship that are an area of weakness for me?

Letting Go of Expectations in Relationships: How About You?

What about you? Do you need to work on letting go of expectations in relationships? What strengths do you and your partner each have that you bring to the relationship? How can you offer more grace to your spouse when they don’t handle things the way you expect them to? Let me know in the comments!