
Something I’ve really wrestled with in my struggles with mental health is letting go of shame. I experienced a series of manic and psychotic episodes before being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. While many people don’t remember their episodes, I remember almost the entirety of each of mine. It’s really hard to think about how I was acting while my brain was on fire and not feel ashamed by it.
Over time, I’ve found healing from what happened. God also gave me clarity about the untrue thoughts that were contributing to these episodes and helped me change my thinking, which brought me a lot more mental stability. But for so long, whenever a memory of one of these experiences would come back to me, I would feel deep shame.
Many of us understand what it means to feel ashamed. We might look back on things we have done in the past or sins we’ve committed with a deep sense of shame.
For a while, I wasn’t sure I would ever be free from this feeling. But there is something I’ve found that has really set me free, and this is the knowledge that Jesus bore my shame on the cross.
Jesus went through every kind of humiliation and shameful experience on the cross. He was beaten, bound, and hung naked in front of everyone. It must have been excruciating – and it was something that he didn’t have to go through. He had the power to escape this painful death, but he willingly chose to endure it – all so that he could take my shame away.
When I truly let this sink in, my shame loses its power over me. Not only did Jesus endure shame on my behalf, but he was with me during every part of my episodes. He never once abandoned me or left my side.
Everything I did during my episodes and everywhere I went, he stayed with me, protecting me and seeing me through. When I look back, I see his hand of protection on my life, and I know he endured everything I went through with me.
Are you struggling with shame? There is someone who cares for you so much that he bore all your shame for you. If you know Jesus, remind yourself anew of what he’s done for you. If you don’t, please know that Jesus died to take away all of your past sins and shame. When you confess your sin to him and accept him as your savior, he can free you from all of it.
Whenever shame starts to creep back into my life, I remind myself of what Jesus did for me on the cross. This helps me to truly walk in freedom.
