An online lifestyle magazine for Christian women
Do you have a bad habit of gossiping about your friends and family? Perhaps you enjoy reading celebrity gossip, or talking about other people whose lives you watch on Facebook. Gossiping is a bad habit that can affect everyone involved. This includes the gossiper and the subject of the gossip. If you want to learn how to stop gossiping, be sure to continue reading!
I was searching Google to learn more about my favorite YouTuber when I stumbled across a gossip forum. I noticed that the people on the forum were really tearing this person apart. They were criticizing everything from their clothes to their pets. I read the comments and I got sucked into a bit of a vortex.
Some of the things that people had noticed about this YouTuber were things that I had noticed as well. I was ignoring those things because I do like the majority of their content. I must confess, I ended up reading a few different gossip threads before I decided to stop. This was bad stuff to put in my mind, so I exited the page.
Gossip is a sneaky thing – it can really suck you in if you let it. It’s damaging both to the person you are gossiping about and to your own mind. Another confession: I used to gossip with my close friends about others in my friend circle or at church. While my intent was never to be vicious, I think that this habit was quite damaging. I regret talking about others – even if I was venting about something that happened or if the other person started the conversation.
I’ve been on the other end of gossip as well. When I first was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago, I had a public mental breakdown. A lot of what was being said about me behind my back got back to me through the grapevine. It was quite a hurtful experience, and it helped me realize the damage that can come from gossip.
Gossip is something that I really try to put a stop to in my life. Here are just a few of the damaging effects of gossip:
When you gossip, you are magnifying the flaws or perceived flaws of someone else and drawing them to everyone’s attention. They may otherwise have not noticed this about them, or they would have kept it to themselves. But your decision to talk about that really gives life to something negative and destructive.
If you’re being critical or judgmental of others, you will start to assume that others are doing the same toward you. They may or may not be doing this, but you’ll start to subconsciously worry that other people are giving you the same treatment that you are giving them. It will actually lead to you having lower self-esteem, though you may not make the connection that your gossiping is the root cause.
I’ve experienced a dynamic where a family or friend group all gossip or vent about each other to each other. You may gossip to your friend Ashley about Sarah. Later you are frustrated with Sarah and you gossip about her to Ashley. All of this gossip breads mistrust, because you aren’t taking care of your friends by protecting their privacy and talking to them directly about any problems that you have.
Here are three principles that I try to live by to avoid being tempted by gossip.
Sometimes, you will be genuinely wronged by one of your friends. When this happens, you may feel the need to vent about that person. How should you handle this?
I have a rule for myself that has helped me as I learn how to stop gossiping. I don’t vent about one friend or family member to another. If I need to vent, I take it to either my husband or my therapist. I also have one close friend that I occasionally seek advice from when I need to deal with someone, but I rarely need to do this.
It’s okay to have one or two people that you truly trust who can give you counsel when dealing with a problem in your life caused by another person. Make sure that these people are non-judgmental. They should be people who aren’t sucked into gossip or criticism. Also, make sure that this person isn’t going to repeat what you’ve shared to anyone else. If you have a spouse, that may be the best option for you. If not, select a close friend or family member or talk to a therapist.
When you feel the temptation to talk about someone else, first ponder your own flaws. How would you want your friends to treat those flaws? Would you want them to talk behind your back, or give grace to you? Treat others the way you want to be treated!
My husband and I don’t talk to other people about any problems we have with each other. We always deal with each other directly when we have something to resolve. This is a good habit to follow in friendships and in marriage. By avoiding gossiping or venting to others, you protect the other person and you develop trust in that relationship.
I make plenty of mistakes in my marriage, and I’m thankful to know that my husband isn’t airing out my dirty laundry to others – he’s speaking positively about me and talking to me privately when something is wrong.
When you learn how to stop gossiping and start extending grace to others in their flaws, you’ll have better friendships, better self-esteem, and a more positive outlook on life. How has gossip, whether your own gossip or someone else’s, caused damage in your life? What steps can you take to put an end to this nasty habit?
Lauren Magazine is an online lifestyle magazine for Christian women.
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