When Modesty Culture is Toxic: My Personal Experience

By Lauren Rose Correa, January 16, 2026

Toxic Modesty Culture: Woman with head in hands

Modesty is a topic that I have heard a lot about throughout the course of my life. This is especially true as someone who grew up in a Christian school. My earliest memory of modesty culture involves sitting in Christian Living class on the first day of high school while our teacher gave us what she truly believed was a helpful and informative talk.

Basically, we were told that men are visual creatures. It’s not their fault, it’s just how they are wired. All men undress women in their minds, and it was our duty as their sisters in Christ to dress modestly for their sake.

We needed to cover up as much as possible. Even wearing a tank top underneath a low cut shirt just wasn’t enough. They would simply imagine the tank top away.

I distinctly remember that the result of this little talk was walking through the hallway at school feeling a sense of dread and disgust. It made many of the girls want to hide from the boys.

Modesty Culture: Whose Responsibility is Lust?

What stands out to me the most about the toxic purity culture? The men were excused from having to exercise any self-control or responsibility for their thoughts, and the blame was placed on the backs of women.

We were given the lofty responsibility of controlling the inner musings of the men around us. This thinking set me up for a lot of discomfort throughout the course of my adult years.

The truth is, not every guy is undressing women in their minds. Those that do are not doing so because it’s what they are created or wired to do. They are doing it because they have a problem with lust. This is a common struggle, and I don’t judge men who have wrestled with lust.

However, I take issue with the belief that lust is the woman’s responsibility. I also take issue with the idea that men don’t have the ability to have self-control in this area. This belief system is patriarchal and has caused a lot of toxicity in churches and other religious circles.

Is Modesty Important?

If we are not dressing ourselves a certain way for the sake of men, is modesty still important? I believe it is, but I think the motive needs to change.

Modesty should be about self-respect. Your body is precious, and it’s not meant for everyone’s eyes. And dressing overtly sexy to intentionally elicit lust is wrong.

But do we need to create a dress code that is absolutely full of crazy rules and regulations that make it impossible for men to lust? It’s not our job to figure out what may or may not attract too much attention from men. All men are different and may have different things that catch their eye. To figure this out – it’s just not our responsibility.

As women, we should focus on respecting our own bodies and expressing ourselves in an appropriate way. If men struggle with lust, they need to focus on finding God’s healing within themselves – not on telling women what they can and cannot wear.

Modesty Culture: How About You?

If you spent a lot of time in church or Christian school, you may have encountered this toxic way of thinking. How has this message affected you internally? Has it led you to fear men, to feel ashamed of your body, or even to just rebel and head in the opposite direction?

I pray that if you’ve ever experienced this kind of culture, you are able to find healing and a healthier take on what it really means to be modest.